$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How does one acquire holy water?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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