I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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