I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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