I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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