i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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