i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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