just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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