You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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