i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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