i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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