I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize