5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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