So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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