he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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