She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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