Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize