Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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