it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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