so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize