i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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