so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize