Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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