he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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