i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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