All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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