so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize