I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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