She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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