So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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