none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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