the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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