She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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