Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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