if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize