My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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