I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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