Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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