Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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