do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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