I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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