You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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