Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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