He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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