the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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