The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize