I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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