i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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