Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize