i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize