Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize